I love this picture because Powell looks like Charles did at the same age and it brings back so many memories this day!!!! THIRTY SIX years ago, a scared young girl checked into the hospital in labor 3 weeks early. NOBODY believed me, that I was in labor. Not Terry, not my mom , not the nurses. Until I got there and sure enough, little Charles decided to come early into this world! Nothing ever prepares a first time mother for the overwhelming love you have for that little lump of humanity that is placed into their arms. The first time I held him I burst into tears! For the first time in my life I felt I had truly ACCOMPLISHED something! Something WONDERFUL. I also felt the overwhelming love from getting such a gift from God! (that "Previenient Grace" that we Methodists are taught--that love from God when we didn't even understand it yet!)It was feelings I would have 4 more times in my life, but the FIRST time I felt that way was something I will never forget! I also remember when we took him to my mom and dad's to stay for a few days right after I came home from the hospital. I remember looking at him in my old bedroom in the little port-a-crib Mimi had for all the grandkids. I was just staring at him, laying there, and Daddy came up behind me and put his arms around me and we just stared at him together for a long time.Suddenly I burst into tears and Daddy said, "What's wrong sweetheart?" I said, "I just don't know if I can do this!" I was just so overwhelmed with that joy but also with that new BURDEN OF LOVE upon my young shoulders! Daddy, sweet sweet Daddy, who always knew JUST WHAT TO SAY, hugged me and said, "You're going to do JUST FINE. Because I'm going to be right here with you!"Maybe that's why Charles always loved his grand-daddy so much!!! He was always there and Charles always adored him and they had such a great relationship! Terry and I were such young parents but I think we did pretty good with that sweet curly haired boy, thanks to those loving grand parents who helped us through the freaky "new parents days"! I know most girls wait longer today to have their babies than I did back in the day. I can see both sides of that argument because I have BEEN on both sides! HAHA! I was barely 21 when Charles came (and barely 22 when Michael arrived and just turned 24 and had THREE KIDS!). Then, I was 34 when I had Katie. I thought I was OLD at 34! Imagine!!!! But, there are good things to be said for being a young mom! Good in the fact that we "grew up together!" HAHA! Bad in the fact that I really didn't know what I was doing many times! THANKFULLY, Charles was the ideal baby, he did just what Dr. Spock said! HAHA! He sat up at 6 months and walked ON HIS FIRST BIRTHDAY (exactly by the "rule book"!). *By the way, don't ask me when the next 4 kids walked or sat up! I've forgotten! HAHAHAHA! *
What is it about child number one???? Poor things! The younger kids think the first kids "have it made"! NOT SO! They are the "experiment"! The one who does EVERYTHING, FIRST!!! The hardest to let 1. start kindergarten 2. go alone to b'day party 3. expect the best grades from 4. cry the hardest the day they leave for college!!!
Yes, I experienced all those things. You wouldn't know it by the time baby number FIVE arrived! But, yes, I felt all those things. Sometimes I still do with him! When he called to tell me that he and Rachel were expecting a BOY, I burst, once again, into tears!! Because I knew that HE would soon be feeling all those things I felt the day I heard I was having MY first son. All those wonderful things you can't explain to your child, they have to experience it for themselves. How can you even TRY to explain the love you have for your first born child?(and next borns, but TODAY I'm talking about the FIRST TIME feelings of motherhood!). I can't help but shed a few tears this morning as I look over the lake at this GORGEOUS sunset and think about my OLDEST son turning 36 years old today and my youngest daughter getting married this coming Saturday. The circle of life. So wonderful. So incredible. So moving. So sad. So beautiful. So exciting. So happy. So emotional. Some days it's just hard being a mama, whether you are a mom at 20 (like I was then) or a mom at 57 (like I am now). WHy? Because there are moments I just wish I could turn back the hands of time! To see Charles for the first time again. To watch him walk on his first birtday again. To see him get off the school bus. To stand outside his bedroom door an hear he and Michael whispering secrets when they were going to bed. To see him graduate again, from B'ham Souther and watching DADDY'S FACE. To see him get married. To see him watching Powell in the hospital.Just remembering and wanting to go back in time. For just that one moment in time. Oh the memories I have today. Just like last week, thinking about MICHAEL, this week is CHARLES' week. Next week-end I'll be feeling similar memories about Katie. And so on. And such is the stuff of life. Today, for now, I honor and cherish moments of Charles. To him I say, "thanks. Thanks for making me the happiest I had ever been 36 years ago. For YOU, sweet curly haired son, made ME a mom"! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU!
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